Thursday, September 11, 2008

100 Things BE DAMNED! (An update repost)

I had this up, then had it down, then put it back up, then took it down. I was worried after posting it that it made me seem crazy. Then I realized that ayone that knows me knows that I am and anyone who doesn't ought to be fairly warned. So here again...

100 Things (about your lowly and humble photographic servant)

1. I scorn things like this but I secretly like them.
2. I do what I do professionally because it was the 'sample' answer when I applied to my State University
3. My State University was chosen only because it was close to home. I didn't get into it the first time. So I went to a local Community College where I made all the friends I think of as my 'friends from college.'
4. I say that I delivered pizzas when I was in college and graduate school but in reality I went to college and graduate school while I delivered pizzas.
5. I was a Republican for 8 years, then a Democrat for 8, then unenrolled, then a Democrat again so I could vote in the primary AGAINST our Governor and am now supporting Obama and if he doesn't win I lose faith in Democracy because we are a Nation of Larry the Cable Guy and Country Music.
6. I used to know everything.
7. Now I don't know shit.
8. I have 5 nieces and nephews that I spend lots of money on to trick them into thinking I am rich so that they will help take care of me when I am old. They know and understand this.
9. I have been in several car accidents and don't understand where the 'dying' part comes in.
10. I am passive aggressive.

11. I'm open to offers proposed by telemarketers and don't mind the calls.
12. I've made very little money, lots of money, and ok money but don't really see much difference.
13. As I get older I get more lazy and less greedy.
14. I am fascinated by radio.
15. I rarely watch TV, although I have cable. Not because I am opposed to it or think it is bad somehow but because all I do is look for something better than what I am already enjoying and missing.
16. I do not rent movies. I buy 3 or 4 per year. They sometimes go unwatched. I still love movies though.
17. I kayak because I used to sail and when I sold the sailboats I missed the dinghy most.
18. I don't like sunny days in the winter.
19. I cannot sing although this does not stop me.
20. I do not know words to songs which also does not stop me. I barely know the words to Happy Birthday. I enjoy songs in languages I can not speak for this reason.

21. I used to drive an AMC Pacer.
22. I've been in love HUNDREDS of times. Usually with waitresses. There is something primal about being fed.
23. I have learned The Great Secret. I used to attribute it to the Russians I know but in reality when you mention 'The Great Secret' to a Russian, they think of a cartoon by that name about a horse, cat, and dog that can talk when there are no humans around. Every Russian has seen this. I have had that Great Secret explained to me numerous times and I don't get it. The Great Secret that I know is that your ability to see, hear, speak, desire, remember, be visually aware, eat, and live, is temporary. If I could choose to not know something it would be this.
24. The Boston Red Sox is my favorite baseball team but the Yankees are my second favorite. I have no patience with Southern or Western teams. Baseball teams should be from industrial belt cities. Chicago, New York, Boston, Cleveland. THOSE are baseball cities. Arizona and Florida should be limited to spring training.
25. I sold my best friend, Mean Don, on eBay once for 40 bucks.
26. I have learned the Meaning of Life and discovered the American Dream. Both in Las Vegas.
27. The further food is removed from it's natural state the more likely I am to eat and enjoy it.
28. I don't eat most of the food I buy because I don't trust it after I can't remember EXACTLY when I bought it. I fear my own condiments. How long do these things last?
29. I don't drink because I don't like the taste of it.
30. I don't smoke because I don't like the smell of it.

31. I would probably take drugs if I had them but I don't and don't know where to get any.
32. I put things off WAY past the last minute.
33. I makes lots of I statements.
34. I think I is such a powerful word that I can't imagine that 'je', 'yo' can carry the same power.
35. I used to want to be a writer until I came to the realization that I had nothing to say. I later learned that it's not a barrier to many people.
36. I think rebellion in the young is silly and in the old, essential.
37. I rent and am the perfect happy tenant.
38. I buy more stuff than I need and work my way up to quality objects by buying the cheaper first even though it would be cheaper just to buy the good stuff first.
39. I have a few other fairly well known Internet projects that I don't admit to in public but I'm delighted when I can take someone aside and tell them. Too delighted.
40. I live for the moment, not for some Zen type reason, but because that is as far as I can plan ahead.

41. When I fly I am certain that I am living my last moments and I love every vivid moment on the plane but I feel my fellow passengers (the large carry on baggage toting bastards) are unworthy of dying with me.
42. I prefer to be home alone on New Year's Eve in quiet contemplation (Ok, home alone).
43. I've had a beard for a few years and think everyday that I should shave it off but don't because it's such a nuisance to grow.
44. I can't remember not having a cell phone, laptop computer, or digital camera although I am STILL constantly amazed by them.
45. I can't help it. I love WalMart. I know it's uncool. I don't care.
46. I used to heat with wood. I hate heating with wood and having a woodstove. To me there is nothing more romantic and soothing than hearing the activation of central heating.
47. I reread books. If I lose them I buy them again. I prefer paperbacks to hardcover.
48. I prefer non-fiction to fiction. I don't understand most fiction. Great literature is lost on me.
49. I am a secular humanist.
50. I have a terrible memory and don't trust it. I will defer to almost any argument when my memory is called in to defend myself. I'm sure this has been used against me.

51. I don't like to travel any place that I haven't already been. I very rarely travel on my own volition. I am an object at rest and remain at rest until acted upon by an outside force. My travel companions know this and just consider it another part of the trip like getting the tickets and packing. I always love any place I go once I am there.
52. I prefer Fat Elvis to Skinny Elvis.
53. I went to Catholic School and when given the chance to go to public school I chose the Catholic School because I thought it was more exclusive.
54. I take people terribly for granted but try not to and feel horrible about it.
55. I am in favor of the death penalty although I realize it can't possibly be used in ALL cases that I think are deserving. (Hear that people who need a price check??)
56. I'd like to think I take photos to create art but mostly it's just to see stuff again after I get home.
57. I fear drunks and crazy people. Although I don't blame the crazy people.
58. I was born in Connecticut to Mainers living there temporarily and was moved to Maine when I was 3. I use this to proudly claim my 'From Away' status.
59. I am the ultimate Sagittarius although I do not believe in astrology. Unless you are an Aries.
60. I think somehow I will live a very long time. I always thought I would survive a Nuclear Holocaust. If I do live a long life I am screwed because I have not prepared accordingly. (see number 8)

61. I hate when people get mad at you because you haven't seen them or called them for a while and it makes me do it longer. The longest I have done this is over 10 years. When finally confronted about it, I pointed at that it takes BOTH parties to be this insane.
62. I am a terrible math student. Minutes after successfully defending my Master's Thesis I was informed that I still needed to take and pass MAT101 which I felt would be an insurmountable barrier. On my final I wrote the sob story to the professor and it must have worked because I passed.
63. I was married once, years ago, to the perfect woman for little while. She and I have been friends for over 25 years.
64. I found out one summer that I am extremely sensitive to poison ivy. IT IS NOT FUNNY!
65. I don't hunt. I used to hunt with my father as a child but soon came to realize that deer were mythical beasts like dragons and Unicorns. Then I learned to drive. For years my deer kill was higher than that of the hunters in the family.
66. I don't fish. It grosses me out and bores me. And I hate bugs. And fish hooks. They get in your eyes.
67. I like to stay up very late. Even if I am exhausted.
68. I don't mind getting up as much as I used to.
69. I hated being a child when I was one.
70. I like it now that I am not.

71. I prefer the company of people not my age. I have always been like this. But now that I'm in my 40s I'm getting cool with it.
72. I am horribly self conscious and uncomfortable at parties or other social engagements when I am expected to be as funny as I am at times when I am expected not to be.
73. People assume I would be a pleasant drunk. This is untrue.
74. I have seen Bob Dylan 6 times.
75. I left a B.B. King concert once because his music was keeping me from being able to talk with my date.
76. I've been tricked into hiking up mountains 3 times.
77. I have been fired.
78. The longest I have gone without a job is one day.
79. I have been cyberstalked.
80. I knew who it was, then didn't know, and then was told I was right, that I did know and this is why: I have danced on the grave of a person who died an early death years after an act of great disloyalty. It taught me the unparalelled joy of outliving someone. I hope to do it more. I now have a list.

81. My first instinct, always, is to lie. You take your chances even asking me the time.
82. I don't need the truth. I think a lie is a sign of respect. The LAST thing I want to face is the stark naked unadultered truth about something.
83. When social worker types say 'Denial is not a River in Egypt' I think they should be punched in the face. Hard. Twice. Just because that is so stupid. Denial gets us through the day. Only the 'There is no I in Team' people should be punched harder and more often. I wish team was spelled teame so I could answer that 'there's no I in it, but there IS an 'eat me.'
84. I gave away a Volvo once to a person who needed it more than I did which SOUNDS nice but it was mostly to be rid of it.
85. I don't have any more spare Volvos lying around.
86. I am the last person you want to pick for your sports team.
87. I am the person who will propel you to the Victory Circle in Trivial Pursuit (all that reading of non-fiction).
88. I wear glasses and have since I was 5. I look better in them then out of them. If I ever got contacts I would have to buy frames with blank lenses in them.
89. I'd like to learn to golf. I'm certain I'd be terrible at it at best but since I am so noncompetetive I think it would just be fun. (I learned to play and learned I HATE looking for golf balls)
90. I perceive numbers as colors. 1 is white, 2 is red, 3 is lemon yellow, 4 is dark green, 5 is dark yellow like a pencil or a school bus, or a canned peach, 6 and 7 are very dark shades of gray and 7 is darker then 6 but you can only tell if they are next to each other otherwise they look almost black, 8 is tan, 9 is brown and 0 is black. There are no blue numbers and there are no 2 digit colors. Letters are colors too, but I can barely see them and am not sure what they are.

91. I live in a 1 bedroom apartment and there are 18 clocks in it. Only half of them are close to right.
92. When I lived in an efficiency apartment, I had a small staff to help me with things, I had a cleaning woman, a girl who cooked for me sometimes and a laundry lady who used to pick up and drop off.
93. I could never afford a house.
94. I drive almost 40,000 miles per year and love every mile of it.
95. I have a poorly developed sense of right and wrong but fear of getting caught pretty much keeps me in line.
96. I have an even more poorly developed sense of right and left. It is impossible for me to follow directions I've been given verbally. I've tried all the tricks. Nothing works. I was once told to stop working on left/right with a patient because I was only making it worse.
97. Once things are lost, I'd prefer to just replace the thing if possible because looking for things makes me crazy.
98. I like to keep a radio on during the day while I am away.
99. I know there have been times when I wasn't alive when I wish I had been, like the 1950s, and I'm generally ok with it, but the thought that I won't be around for, say, the 2050s, almost makes me sick to my stomach and fills my days with dread.
100. This was harder than I thought.

7 comments:

  1. Umm... That appears to be his story and he may or may not stick to it.

    I know a few of these things to be true (at least from the limited exposure I've had to the oft-odd world of JKirlin), but he very well may just be messing with me/us.

    On the other hand... this is way, way TMI!

    re: #50 - About that $20,000 you owe me... :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. So this is what you do since I left you??? Oh Kirrrrrrrrlin...

    ReplyDelete
  3. That time of the year again, huh? *yaaaawwwn*

    ReplyDelete
  4. This ARIES was thrilled to see so many similarities. Me: Fat Elvis. Parallels with your low teens and mid-eighties. And then you had to ruin it.



    YOU LOVE WALMART?


    Still cringing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Um ... CHS Class of '77 SHOULD be Beth at Cup of Coffey.

    ReplyDelete