Finally, just take the whole damned Holiday thing and SPIN BABY SPIN! Suppress your gag reflex and do NOT change your local radio station which switched to ALL CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME after Halloween. Do not glare hatefully at the Salvation Army Bell Ringers. REJOICE IN THEM!

Yes the holidays are too commercial! Yes they are shoved down our throats by retailers looking to pump up the bottom dollar! Yes your loved ones turn into money holes. Yes they are ingrates.

IGNORE THE TRUTH! Some would say The President does it! Do you think the truth prevented him from having his war in Iraq or enjoying it any less??? NooOOoOo! If he can do it over the war in Iraq, then by God you should be able to do it for the Holidays.

LIE AND EMBELLISH!

So these are your new Holidays. Scroll back up and see what you started with. We'll wait.

Is it perfect? Not by a long shot.

Is it better than that rat bastard Holiday funk you started out with? Yes.

All thanks to your The Thing of the Moment's Holiday Survival Guide!!!

You're welcome.