I had a pain in my side like a stitch for about 2 weeks and one night it gets sharper so I decide it's appendicitis and I have waited until the last second and it's about to blow. But still not any great pain. Well, I do some work for a small hospital and it's 2am and I call the night nurse like it's chitchat and she says Why the Hell are you calling and asking about your pt at 2am? So *I* say that SINCE SHE ASKED, I have this pain in my side...
Nurses ain't playing that game, especially ones that know me.
So she tells me to go to my local ER and have it checked. So I go. Well, when most people go in a 2am, they are in PAIN, I go in at 2am because it's the end of my day and I'm finishing up business and I'm really only expecting to be told that I'm fine and to go home...
So I'm sitting in my Johnny with my National Geographic (AND NO CAMERA) when the Nurse comes in with an IV. WHOA WHOA WHOA, I say. And she says I have to have it, I'm dehydrated and yadda yadda yadda and I have a kidney stone.
To which I say...(BIG MISTAKE) Are you the DOCTOR???? And I tell her I can deal with a kidney stone but NOT an IV. Well ER nurses don't have time for that shit and she basically told me so and said to let her know when I was ready and she left.
The Doctor (Who I was expecting to be on MY side) came in and said the same thing and ADDED, you are in here at 2am for a REASON. I didn't get into the "finishing up the days business" and told him I'd take the IV.
So now annoyed Nurse comes back in and I'm a sweaty mess and I confess that I'd rather be sliced to ribbons with paper envelopes (ouch) than have an IV.
So she's actually nice now that she has me where she wants me and she makes me confess my fear that the needle will stick into the bone and break off under the skin and then someone will trip on the tube and tear the flesh from my arm.
So she says she can give me the IV up HIGH which will allow me to HOLD (And yes I held, Gentle Viewer) the tube so the extreme jerking motion would stop at my clenched fist and not open my arm and allow all the arm guts to spill out onto the floor.
And she did it in 2 seconds and it's didn't hurt at all and wasn't really worth all the SWEAT it created and the headache from the involuntary cleanched jaw.
Kidney Stone I laugh at your lack of real pain, I survived the IV.
P.S. I know..Kidney stones are skanky material but it's all I had. I ALSO wish I had a better angle of that bruise because it's WAAAAAAAAY bigger! Way, dudes. That Honda Key is over a foot long.
im with SAM on this one! what the hell does this wimpy ass story have to do with that bruise!? seriously, its in the news these... youre working on a before and after photo gallery of jkirlin on meth right! these are the results of the spiders under your skin?
Yo, don't MESS wid da NURSES!!! You need a fricken IV, so take it!. Sheesh. That bruise came from the NURSE, for sassin' her - didn't it? If not, it shoulda! :)
By people who like to say Shitpoke. It's a whole other bird, Shitpoke.
Thatlooks like a big OUCH! Happy HNT!
ReplyDeleteOk..here is the deal but it's long.
ReplyDeleteI had a pain in my side like a stitch for about 2 weeks and one night it gets sharper so I decide it's appendicitis and I have waited until the last second and it's about to blow. But still not any great pain. Well, I do some work for a small hospital and it's 2am and I call the night nurse like it's chitchat and she says Why the Hell are you calling and asking about your pt at 2am? So *I* say that SINCE SHE ASKED, I have this pain in my side...
Nurses ain't playing that game, especially ones that know me.
So she tells me to go to my local ER and have it checked. So I go. Well, when most people go in a 2am, they are in PAIN, I go in at 2am because it's the end of my day and I'm finishing up business and I'm really only expecting to be told that I'm fine and to go home...
So I'm sitting in my Johnny with my National Geographic (AND NO CAMERA) when the Nurse comes in with an IV. WHOA WHOA WHOA, I say. And she says I have to have it, I'm dehydrated and yadda yadda yadda and I have a kidney stone.
To which I say...(BIG MISTAKE) Are you the DOCTOR???? And I tell her I can deal with a kidney stone but NOT an IV. Well ER nurses don't have time for that shit and she basically told me so and said to let her know when I was ready and she left.
The Doctor (Who I was expecting to be on MY side) came in and said the same thing and ADDED, you are in here at 2am for a REASON. I didn't get into the "finishing up the days business" and told him I'd take the IV.
So now annoyed Nurse comes back in and I'm a sweaty mess and I confess that I'd rather be sliced to ribbons with paper envelopes (ouch) than have an IV.
So she's actually nice now that she has me where she wants me and she makes me confess my fear that the needle will stick into the bone and break off under the skin and then someone will trip on the tube and tear the flesh from my arm.
So she says she can give me the IV up HIGH which will allow me to HOLD (And yes I held, Gentle Viewer) the tube so the extreme jerking motion would stop at my clenched fist and not open my arm and allow all the arm guts to spill out onto the floor.
And she did it in 2 seconds and it's didn't hurt at all and wasn't really worth all the SWEAT it created and the headache from the involuntary cleanched jaw.
Kidney Stone I laugh at your lack of real pain, I survived the IV.
P.S. I know..Kidney stones are skanky material but it's all I had. I ALSO wish I had a better angle of that bruise because it's WAAAAAAAAY bigger! Way, dudes. That Honda Key is over a foot long.
What does your kidney stone and an IV have to do with a huge-assed bruise?
ReplyDeleteBEJESUS!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back! And damn, that's one good lookin' bruise! Whenever I give blood I will usually bruise, but nowhere near this degree. Excellent!!
ReplyDeleteIV?? damn, was the nurse using a cattle prod to drive in the needle! ouch!!
ReplyDeleteDouble duty: Photo Friday: Violet!
ReplyDeleteim with SAM on this one! what the hell does this wimpy ass story have to do with that bruise!?
ReplyDeleteseriously, its in the news these...
youre working on a before and after photo gallery of jkirlin on meth right! these are the results of the spiders under your skin?
Yo, don't MESS wid da NURSES!!! You need a fricken IV, so take it!. Sheesh. That bruise came from the NURSE, for sassin' her - didn't it? If not, it shoulda! :)
ReplyDeleteLove, Your Friendly ToadyJoe Nurse